Inner Monologue: Love is Blind, Episodes 1-2

So I was told to watch Love is Blind on Netflix… not really my bag (no in the last 15 years anyway), but due to the whole Covid thing I seemingly had watched everything else on Netflix, so what the hell, let’s do it… After 10 minutes had way too many questions and comments to watch this wreck alone, so I pulled out the trusty laptop and started taking notes… Here lies the stream of consciousness for the first two episodes…

 

S1E01: Is Love Blind?

·     Props to Lauren for wanting someone to love all her saggy parts when she’s 95…

·     The plight of the short man is not talked about enough, respect Westley…

·     Is Hugh Hefner really stylish or does he just wear a bunch of different robes?

·     Huh, Nick Lachey is still relevant…

·     The idea of getting to know someone in these pods is awesome and scary…

·     Carlton is very proud of his fly-ness…

·     Pod is a weird word, but that’s cool and funny how they’re all exploring and asking each other about the pods…

·     Jesus Christ…. Jessica sounds fun… good luck to whomever has to live up to her pie in the sky bullsquat…

·     Hahahaha, Mark, you poor fool, Jessica is not for you, she’s just the first person you’ve spoken to…

·     I need Cameron and Lauren to win this whole competition like I need air…

·     Is this even a competition? Is there gonna be a winner? 

·     You hate hearing people breathe? Wtf?

·     Amber is #confident… like a LOT #confident… and a tank mechanic…

·     Oh, Barnett’s got jokes AND personality… allegedly… and everything is innuendo… cool story, bruh…

·     I’m not going to lie, I really want Diamond’s name to be Cynamyn…

·     There’s a virgin!

·     Aww, shit, I’m sorry about the Cynamyn thing, Diamond… I think it’s really awesome your mom named you Diamond for a reason and you own it…

·     Carlton and Diamond, good on you…

·     Does Jessica have two different voices? She totally talks differently depending on whether she’s being serious or flirty…

·     I couldn’t be more Team Cameron and Lauren right now…

·     Hahahahaha “we freaking cried together today!” And instantly every woman in the house fell in love with Team  C&L… I’m going to go ahead and assume there will be lots of tears in the near future…

·     Jessica feels like a shit disturber to me… I don’t trust her and I don’t know why…

·     WHOA! Lauren dropped the L-bomb and Cam responded! Hell yes! #winning. Oh wait, now we’re crying again, that can go away as far as I’m concerned… also, it’s suddenly really dusty in my house…

·     And Carlton drops a bomb of his own with his bi/pansexuality… wait, he told Diamond, right? Go back so we can here the end of that convo!

·     Mark is a good dude… he says what he’s feeling, he owns his emotions and seems fully committed to them…

·     Oh, apparently Barnett knows everything there is to know about Mark and doesn’t think Mark’s ready because he’s only 24… seems to me Mark has his house in order and maybe you shouldn’t cast stones, B…

·     Hell yeah!! IT’S GOING DOWN!! C&L IS HAPPENING! SHE SAID YES! 

·     Oh, imagine that, Jessica is wishy-washy, no way this ends well….

S1E02: Will You Marry Me?

·     C&L get to meet!! Lauren is a beautiful person, thanks for not being a douche rocket, Cam…

·     You were superficial before this, Carlton? I can’t possibly believe that…

·     Giannina seems nice. 

·     Carlton proposes to Diamond and she says yes! I was worried about them after the Carlton nugget last episode. Good for them, they make me happy! Super-fly ftw!

·     Oh fuck, he didn’t tell her…. This is NOT good… That’s not right. I get it’s a BIG f’ing deal, but you can’t tell the person you just asked to marry you? Dude, not cool at all…

·     Kenny and Kelly feel right… aaaaaaaand more tears and L-bombs…

·     Ruh-roh… we have a triple-threat match gonna go down for Barnett… I have no clue why, he’s not that magical, unless you’re into the douchey frat-bro player type…

·     LC is Elliot from Scrubs…

·     Amber is scary af in the best possible way… she intimidates the hell out of me, but I’m here for it…

·     Lol, I think Jessica just made Mark the back-up plan… there’s no way she lets him go completely though, she knows Barnett isn’t a sure bet… she’s an ass, but she’s not dumb…

·     And Mark’s about to get railroaded… quit stalling Jess… what the fuck indeed, Mark… Jessica stands behind the couch while Mark is upset cause she scurred and knows she’s in the wrong, classic Physch 101… you ARE an option Mark, the second option… don’t cry J, this is what you live for… you’re a good person, Mark, you don’t need this, good riddance…

·     Aww, shit, Diamond… I don’t know that you will be there for him no matter what… he’s lying by omission… this isn’t on you… and damn you’re rocking the hell out of that dress and those sparkle shoes… I legit feel bad for you right now, such an awesome moment and you have no idea what’s going on… I’m sorry, D, you don’t deserve that…

·     Wtf is Rory, 28, Brand Director? Is he a plant from the production company? He’s like the advice giver for everyone, but what’s his story? Where are his chicas?

·     Also, what happened to the virgin? 

·     Uh oh… Barnett just crashed Jessica’s world… Mark, get ready, she’s coming back! Don’t hate the game, Jess, of course he doesn’t know what he wants… you’re Barnett in female form…

·     Jessica is going scorched earth! If she can’t have him nobody can! Hahaha, Amber, I <3 you and your eye rolls and badassedness…

·     And here we go, Jessica back to Mark now, because “he’s everything she’s ever wanted and so much more”… except he’s like the opposite of everything she said she ever wanted in the last episode… Don’t do it Mark, you can do better than this… also, why does she keep calling him “baby” all of a sudden? Aww, shit, Mark’s mom just saved Jessica and she doesn’t even know it… “if you love something set it free”… shit…

·     Kenny and Kelly just feel right… she said yes, this is good news!

·     Btw, how do we know who wins again?

·     Kenny and Kelly meet and it just feels right…

·     Giannina, you spicy. You crazy. I have a feeling you REALLY crazy. I dig your crazy more than a little…. Damian seems nice and also like he should play a serial killer on a tv show…

·     Barnett has ukulele skillz!  Or not… Barnett looks like my friend Jeff, only Jeff isn’t an ass…

·     Oh, Amber just told Barnett about an abortion, that’s deep… don’t fuck this up, B…

·     And there’s Rory again… WHO ARE YOU? WHAT IS YOUR DEAL? Also, what did you do with the virgin?

·     Damian, I don’t know what it is, but I can’t get a good read on you and that bothers me… Is Damian going to yell a proposal at her? No, he’s going to cry, and get down on one knee… GG? Say something… ruh roh… ffs, that’s the end?!? This is Netflix, we can binge this shit, no need for cliffhangers!

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